Smarter Ardor
  • Blog
  • Smarter Living
  • Homemade Fun
  • About

Meet Me in the Middle

10/27/2013

1 Comment

 
"I've been one poor correspondent, and I've been too, too hard to find, but it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind." -- America, Sister Goldenhair
Picture
The last eight weeks have been a strange mix: of waiting and wondering, of contentment and restlessness, of making it work and impatience, of beauty and messes, of loneliness and family and soaking up the fading daylight. I don’t know what they would have looked like if we were still in Tennessee, or if we were in a more stable situation here in Virginia. Depending on the day—or really, the moment—when you catch me, I might be overwhelmed with joy and gratitude or I might just be overwhelmed.

New in the area and new to homeschooling, we have found ways to fill many of our days. And yet I’ve found myself with time, as I don’t yet have many external obligations. The first time we did this, in Tennessee, those expanses made me feel anxious. I felt they had to be filled.  This time I’ve tried hard to acknowledge that this is not yet real life, since when we settle here, it will actually be all the way across town. Our every day won’t look much like it does at the moment. This is a bit of a holding pattern.  But then there’s a balance. I think going too far in that direction, waiting around for life to begin, can be dangerous. I can make all kinds of excuses: We can’t find a church yet because we don’t know where we’re going to live. We can’t join this club or that group because we’re not sure when we’re going to move. I can’t sign the kids up for that field trip, because we might be moving that day.

It’s hard to embrace the everyday when living in between; it’s hard to stay motivated to be fully present when you’re moving through a tunnel to an unknown destination at a pace you can’t control. These times always remind me that I’m never actually in control of it anyway. All I can really ever do is trust and pray, focus on the problem in front of me, and take care of the people around me.

And if I really believe that, then I’ve mostly been doing awesome, though I haven’t had much to say about it, nothing to write about it, and if you call me at a weak moment, you might think otherwise.

Pending a successful inspection tomorrow, we are set to settle on a home in mid-November. It’s not our dream home. But something about living the way we have been, in a ramshackle rental house with most of our life in boxes, makes a late 70’s ranch with roomfuls of eventual upgrades strangely appealing. Because it will be our 70’s ranch, the upgrades ours to dream and do. It will be the first place our family will call home that we intend to stay and grow in. So I guess that makes it kind of a dream after all.

This season has been so weird, so full of faith and doubt, blessing and uncertainty, hard lessons and lovely moments and seeming contradictions. But when I look at the photos, all I see is the beauty.

1 Comment

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    About Me

    Christina | Virginia Beach
    Psuedo Yankee, city-loving former working mom of four finds herself home with the kids and transplanted to the somewhat Southern suburbs. Finding her feet while still attempting to harness the power of the passion of her youth for useful good.

    Picture

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    March 2019
    January 2019
    August 2018
    April 2018
    November 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011

    Categories

    All
    Anklebiter Anecdotes
    Bendetto
    Careful Feeding
    Charm City
    Complicated Joys
    Family Affairs
    Family Conference
    Festival Of Estrogen
    Grace For Moms
    Help Yourself
    Inanity & Insanity
    Looking Up
    Making It Home
    Mothering Missteps
    Moving Onward
    Music City
    Part Time Lover
    Part-time Lover
    Part-time Lover
    Soapbox
    Stumblings
    Su Casa
    The Village
    This City Life
    Wanderings
    Wifedom
    Worklife

    Links

    Grace for Moms

    MOPS International's Blog

    Amber Hudler

    Smarter Ardor.
    Copyright © 2011-2018.
    All Rights Reserved.
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from lungstruck, Orin Zebest, yaquina, warrenski, Jing a Ling, The Shopping Sherpa, Sir, Rony, orangeacid, adrianvfloyd, SierraTierra, benjaflynn, Homeandgardners, eye's eye, katerha, LivingOS, wolfB1958, andyarthur, Jeremiah Ro, alextorrenegra, ShironekoEuro, mabahamo, iMorpheus, openuser, kamshots, nickHiebert, VinothChandar, Yashna M, mike138, Dougtone, cogdogblog, x1klima