When Daniel and I were first falling in love, he said one of the things he admired about me was that I "wasn't afraid of anything." Of course, this couldn't have been further from the truth, but I was ecstatic to hear that he thought that of me. What he meant, he said, was that I didn't limit my future endeavors to what I had done in the past. This was only slightly less false.
One of the reasons I chose Daniel is because he didn't limit me to what I had done or who I had been in the past. Saturday marks eight years of togetherness for us, and I think one of the reasons we are still thrilled to be together is that we both knew the other was going to change and grow. For the most part, I think, we have enabled each other to do so. I hope this never stops. It seems absolutely essential for really staying together over the course of what I hope will be a very long life.
Over our time together, Daniel has always accepted and encouraged me, never laughed when I wanted to try something new. He supported me as I struggled with the identity crisis of becoming a mother, helped me throughout my career and the dilemmas of working motherhood, encouraged me in my writing, pushed me to have the courage to start my business, and reminds me that he still sees me now that I'm a stay-at-home mom. He is unwavering in all of this.
One of the reasons I chose Daniel is because he didn't limit me to what I had done or who I had been in the past. Saturday marks eight years of togetherness for us, and I think one of the reasons we are still thrilled to be together is that we both knew the other was going to change and grow. For the most part, I think, we have enabled each other to do so. I hope this never stops. It seems absolutely essential for really staying together over the course of what I hope will be a very long life.
Over our time together, Daniel has always accepted and encouraged me, never laughed when I wanted to try something new. He supported me as I struggled with the identity crisis of becoming a mother, helped me throughout my career and the dilemmas of working motherhood, encouraged me in my writing, pushed me to have the courage to start my business, and reminds me that he still sees me now that I'm a stay-at-home mom. He is unwavering in all of this.
The happy couple at sunset, Hickam AFB.
On our recent, blissful (if ill-timed) trip to Hawaii for our dear friends Mindy and Chris' wedding, we both had opportunities to let the other stretch. I had the honor of being a bridesmaid and Daniel was asked to officiate the wedding (no, he's never done this before, and no, I'm not sure what possessed them to choose him). That said, he took his duties extremely seriously, consulting our pastor in Maryland and doing hours of research and days of preparation. In the end, it was a very personal, intimate, funny, and touching ceremony that the bride and groom couldn't have been happier about. I couldn't have been prouder. (And if you had told me any of this would have occurred even six months ago, I would have laughed in your face.) He did well enough that the groom's mother said, "I hear Dan is going to hang up his wedding garb-- that this is his last wedding. Why's that?" I informed her that this was also his first wedding, much to her surprise. I tried to convince him that this might be a nice little weekend side gig for us-- he could do the ceremony, I could sing, we could have free date night at the reception-- but he wasn't biting.
On top of Koko Head!
The rest of our trip to Oahu was filled with brand-new experiences that left us bewildered, sore and breathless. First of all, I wore a bikini for the first time since before having kids. Not because everything is exactly as I want it, but because I was in Hawaii with my husband and I wanted to. I forced myself to accept myself. That probably sounds silly, but it felt pretty brave to me. We went stand-up paddleboarding (if there is another sport that looks more boring but is more fun, I'd love to hear about it) and climbed a mountain just to see the view. We swam in a river and sat under Waimea Falls, drove aimlessly along the North Shore with the windows down and ate fried bananas at a farmer's market on the side of the road. We went snorkeling in the unfortunately-named Shark's Cove, where we swam with scores of tropical fish and sea turtles, and even jumped from a 25-foot lava rock formation into the sea. We had never done any of these things before, and it would have been easy to laugh at each other instead of encourage. Well, I should say, it would have been easy for me. But we didn't. We celebrated our sore muscles. We delighted in the new experiences; in seeing each other in a different light.
Though Daniel has never limited me, I have. It's been too automatic for me to draw myself into a box. I'm a mother, I'm cautious, I'm creative; I'm not athletic or outdoorsy. But on this trip I pushed past those barriers I've built and it was great. I felt like the girl Daniel thought I was when he met me. Granted, the things we did were small, but to me they were symbolic. They got us talking about the kind of people we want to be, the kind of couple we want to be, the kind of family we want to be. Most importantly, they got us thinking outside of where we've been, and forward to where we might like to go. Even if it's unfamiliar, even if it's scary. Even if it's a really big hill to climb.
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