It's dangerous to judge a job by its first few days. There have been not a few jobs I have started in tears that turned out all right in the end (ahem, my last one included). So, maybe it's too soon to tell.
Monday was my last day at work. It was surreal. Of course, I didn't have time to get done everything I would have liked to, didn't leave things (documentation, my desk, all the program knowledge I have in my head) in the shape I would have liked to. There just was never going to be enough time, so there certainly wasn't time or space for emotional good-byes, though I was emotional about it. Typically, when leaving a job, the good-byes feel less permanent, even if they're not. There is usually at least a possibility we will meet again. But this time, since I'm not just leaving a company but leaving an industry and geographic location, it's possible I will not see many of my co-workers again. The finality of this last day struck me, but I didn't really have the time or space to process or confront it. Instead I did the best I could, was grateful for my send-offs and good co-workers, and promised to keep in touch (on Facebook, or via email, or with pictures of the girls, or with one final last happy hour).
Monday was my last day at work. It was surreal. Of course, I didn't have time to get done everything I would have liked to, didn't leave things (documentation, my desk, all the program knowledge I have in my head) in the shape I would have liked to. There just was never going to be enough time, so there certainly wasn't time or space for emotional good-byes, though I was emotional about it. Typically, when leaving a job, the good-byes feel less permanent, even if they're not. There is usually at least a possibility we will meet again. But this time, since I'm not just leaving a company but leaving an industry and geographic location, it's possible I will not see many of my co-workers again. The finality of this last day struck me, but I didn't really have the time or space to process or confront it. Instead I did the best I could, was grateful for my send-offs and good co-workers, and promised to keep in touch (on Facebook, or via email, or with pictures of the girls, or with one final last happy hour).
When I got home to Daniel and the girls, I was spent. They, with the help of Danielle, had decorated the house with a homemade heart banner. They shrieked and jumped up and down when I walked in the door. It was all very comforting, but my eyes stayed dry until I saw Mirabella's easel. It brought rushing back the tears, the conflicted feelings, the days of explaining why mommy had to go to work, the countdown the kids have had for the last month-- all of it. And though this is a huge transition, I am so excited about it.
"Mirabella," I said, "when we get to Tennessee, do you think I should look for a new job?"
"No, I think taking care of us should be your job," she said.
"But who will pay me?" I asked.
"We'll have to talk to Daddy about that," she said.
Daniel made us dinner and had a bottle of champagne chilling for after the kids went to bed.
"Mirabella," I said, "when we get to Tennessee, do you think I should look for a new job?"
"No, I think taking care of us should be your job," she said.
"But who will pay me?" I asked.
"We'll have to talk to Daddy about that," she said.
Daniel made us dinner and had a bottle of champagne chilling for after the kids went to bed.
I awoke Tuesday, my first day "at my new job," excited. On my first day, we took a walk after breakfast, I took Mirabella to the dentist without moving heaven and earth, we did a craft, and I was able to say yes when a friend asked if she could come over in twenty minutes. I did not: do any laundry, clean anything but the kitchen, or do any real cooking.
The next day we spent the afternoon at the zoo, where I promised myself I would not rush my children. We have never managed to go there without being pressed for time, so even though it meant no naps (and a couple meltdowns from the two-year-old), we saw every animal in the zoo. The girls were ecstatic, and when we got home we were all exhausted. Thursday we met friends at a park for a picnic, and it was about this time it occurred to me that we might want to learn how to put the "stay at home" in stay-at-home mom. The house was a mess!
Friday we ran our typical errands and I was forced to confront the truth that we are going to be moving in about three weeks. So I acknowledged it internally, then set about making homemade crayons. That's what I said.
So now, at the conclusion of my first week on the job, some initial lessons learned from my first few days of stay-at-home motherhood:
1. There are still not enough hours in the day. No matter whether I work at home, for home or from home, I still can't do it all.
2. I sometimes feel I am constantly bent at the waist, picking up toys, pillows, what have you, and at the end of the day the house still isn't clean.
3. I haven't properly done my hair at all in the last week.
4. Practicing yoga with children is funny, but not necessarily effective.
5. It's much harder to stay on top of an email inbox when you're never in front of a desk.
I know this first week wasn't the way it will always be. The excitement-- theirs and mine-- may fade. The list of things we have to do will impose on the want-to's. My motivation to be super mom will come and go. But I do think it's worth noting that the first few days on the job were, for the most part, awesome.
So now, at the conclusion of my first week on the job, some initial lessons learned from my first few days of stay-at-home motherhood:
1. There are still not enough hours in the day. No matter whether I work at home, for home or from home, I still can't do it all.
2. I sometimes feel I am constantly bent at the waist, picking up toys, pillows, what have you, and at the end of the day the house still isn't clean.
3. I haven't properly done my hair at all in the last week.
4. Practicing yoga with children is funny, but not necessarily effective.
5. It's much harder to stay on top of an email inbox when you're never in front of a desk.
I know this first week wasn't the way it will always be. The excitement-- theirs and mine-- may fade. The list of things we have to do will impose on the want-to's. My motivation to be super mom will come and go. But I do think it's worth noting that the first few days on the job were, for the most part, awesome.
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