It's our last night in Tennessee. Just about everything is packed in boxes, many of which are stacked high above my head and crowd every room, and some of which include things that weren't meant to be packed (like all my hair care tools and every single one of Emerie's dolls). It feels like we just did this because we just did, a little over a year ago. It was almost automatic the way we systematically purged every room and sorted drawers and cabinets into Ziploc bags. But it's not the same.
We always knew Tennessee was not a final destination of any kind, but we were determined to make it home while we were here. And I guess we did-- in what I now realize was kind of remarkable time-- though it didn't feel that way while it was happening. We are so grateful for all we learned and saw and for the opportunity to have met and cherished new friends while we were here-- friends we will miss dearly. We fret over what all this continuous change will do to our little daughters, and while we have validated their feelings of loss, we have also tried to frame this whole thing as a big adventure, even when it doesn't feel like it to us.
We always knew Tennessee was not a final destination of any kind, but we were determined to make it home while we were here. And I guess we did-- in what I now realize was kind of remarkable time-- though it didn't feel that way while it was happening. We are so grateful for all we learned and saw and for the opportunity to have met and cherished new friends while we were here-- friends we will miss dearly. We fret over what all this continuous change will do to our little daughters, and while we have validated their feelings of loss, we have also tried to frame this whole thing as a big adventure, even when it doesn't feel like it to us.
Tomorrow we start our trek northeast to Virginia Beach, where we do not have a home. We will live in a series of temporary housing until we finally find a place to call ours. I don't know when that will be, only that it won't be as soon as I wish it was. I am halfway through my pregnancy with our first son, whom we are delighted and blessed beyond measure to be welcoming in January. We are excited to have the chance to live at the beach, if only for a while, while we search for our home. After years of research and considering, I had to make the abrupt decision to homeschool Mirabella, at least for now, as we wait out this season of constant change.
None of this is how I thought it would be, and not only that, none of this is going the way I wish it would. We have what we need, we are grateful for new opportunities and provision and, really, all of this, but it's uncomfortable and just about everything is uncertain. I thrive on creating a feeling of comfort and stability and home for my family, and I don't know how to do that in a hotel or in a short-term rental or when I can't even envision the space where I will bring home my newborn son in a matter of months. But we love and we hope, and we trust and we pray and we are reminded that none of those things need to be housed in physical spaces. We are learning to take it day by day (and sometimes even in smaller increments than that).
None of this is how I thought it would be, and not only that, none of this is going the way I wish it would. We have what we need, we are grateful for new opportunities and provision and, really, all of this, but it's uncomfortable and just about everything is uncertain. I thrive on creating a feeling of comfort and stability and home for my family, and I don't know how to do that in a hotel or in a short-term rental or when I can't even envision the space where I will bring home my newborn son in a matter of months. But we love and we hope, and we trust and we pray and we are reminded that none of those things need to be housed in physical spaces. We are learning to take it day by day (and sometimes even in smaller increments than that).
Tonight I held my five year old as she cried conflicted tears. I listened to her lament: She does not want to leave. I told her I understood how she felt and tried to help her consider the positive parts of the move, without negating her sadness. Because I really do understand. There are parts of me that don't want to go either. But the larger part knows what this opportunity holds for our family: togetherness, all the time, not just part of the week. A place to settle, eventually. These are things we haven't had.
I realize also, though I couldn't articulate it simply enough for Mirabella, that all of this sadness means we were awfully blessed while living here. We had such beautiful experiences and met such wonderful people that we don't want to leave even though we know how good it will be for us in the long run.
Thank you, Tennessee, for making us feel so welcome. We have loved our time here. Your beautiful green hills, warm friendship, creative spirit, random celebrity sightings, fried green tomatoes, and fabulous independent music will always hold a piece of our hearts.
I realize also, though I couldn't articulate it simply enough for Mirabella, that all of this sadness means we were awfully blessed while living here. We had such beautiful experiences and met such wonderful people that we don't want to leave even though we know how good it will be for us in the long run.
Thank you, Tennessee, for making us feel so welcome. We have loved our time here. Your beautiful green hills, warm friendship, creative spirit, random celebrity sightings, fried green tomatoes, and fabulous independent music will always hold a piece of our hearts.
RSS Feed
