Smarter Ardor
  • Blog
  • Smarter Living
  • Homemade Fun
  • About

The Problem with The One Thing

1/28/2013

4 Comments

 
Picture
My dad used to describe himself as a jack of all trades, master of none, and I could rightly say it about me. I have been exposed to a little bit of this and that. I have surface-level knowledge on a variety of things and hold opinions on a range of issues I have varying degrees of knowledge on. But, despite the tone I may sometimes convey here and in person, I know a lot about very little.

When I left my full-time job, it occurred to me it had become more than that.  It was a career.  I had cultivated expertise—people sought my advice on things because I was the resident “expert.”  This flattered me a little, I suppose, but I hadn’t guessed how much I’d miss it.

Now I am an expert at exactly nothing. Still, there are a handful of issues near to my heart, on the tip of my tongue. I think many of us could probably narrow our passions down to identify The One Thing: The thing you do so well that, when you see it done poorly, it makes your blood boil.  The thing you focus on at the expense of others. The thing you feel confident enough about to judge others on.

If I’m honest, my One Thing is probably food.  Over the course of the last three or four years, I have made a series of changes—tiny steps—toward a real-food diet for our family.  Some people probably think I receive royalties every time someone downloads the documentary, “Food, Inc.”  

I try hard not to let the quest for real food interfere with really living—there are absolutely exceptions and compromises.  But I have read and watched and researched and learned things I can’t unknow, and so I devote considerable time and a larger chunk of our weekly budget than I am comfortable with seeking, buying and cooking real food from scratch.  This commitment frequently runs counter to convenience and modern life, which annoys me.  It occurs to me that sometimes we are the weird family. But I’ve become okay with it, because I truly believe it’s the better way to be.

Sounds virtuous, right? If I left it at that, it would be. But I don’t.

On a weekly basis I find myself caring for other people’s children, feeding them snacks and lunches packed from home.  And I have been appalled-- loudly, and to anyone who would listen-- about what some people are feeding their precious babies.  I may express frustration about loved ones who just can’t or won’t or don’t feel compelled to make changes I know would radically improve their lives. I judge strangers and friends, aloud and internally, organic green smoothie in hand, from my comfortable perch of being right and good.

And it’s wrong.

I know fellow mothers whose One Thing might be extended breastfeeding, back sleeping, staying home with the kids, attachment parenting, eradicating circumcision, car seat safety,  methods of discipline, learning styles, schooling (or unschooling), natural home birth, and a host of other issues.  And, if we let ourselves go there, I could probably get into it with just about every one of my friends.

I fought every day and through many nights to nurse my second child for one year. My kids never slept on their backs or in my bed, I worked full-time for the first four years I was a mother; I wore them in a carrier, but would not consider myself an attachment parenting devotee. I’m on the fence about circumcision; as long as kids are in car seats I can’t manage to get passionate about the type or dither about its fastening. We do not spank our children, and if you weathered a meltdown at our house, you might click your tongue about how we dealt with it. We are reluctantly sending our oldest to public kindergarten next year, and while I aspire toward a natural birth if blessed with another opportunity, I can never imagine doing it at home.

And you know what? All of that is okay.  And it’s okay for you to disagree with me.  And it’s okay for you to lovingly feed your child whatever it is you’re feeding him, and it’s NOT okay for me to judge your character because of it.

A quick glance at my Facebook newsfeed tells me this phenomenon is not limited to motherhood or lifestyle choices. Maybe your One Thing is the Second Amendment, maybe it’s abortion, maybe it’s human trafficking. Maybe it’s theology or social justice or personal finances.  Maybe it’s federal spending or welfare.

You know what? With all due respect, your one thing is just that—yours.  It’s probably very worthy, and there is likely a reason it gets more of your attention than the other issues you may also be passionate about. But that doesn’t mean it falls in the same priority order in others’ lives, and that doesn’t mean they are wrong, and it doesn’t mean you’re better or smarter for choosing that One Thing.

I’d like to think the reason I judge others about food is because it’s just that important.  But I don’t think that’s it. I think I judge them because maybe that’s the one thing I feel like I’m doing well.  We all harbor insecurities—since I’ve become a mother mine have multiplied. There are so many areas I could be giving more attention, so many opportunities to improve. So if there’s one area I can feel good about, I’m going to embrace it, even if it means putting others down to make myself feel better.

But instead of doing that, what if I recognized the One Thing in others and, agree or disagree, listened and tried to learn from it?  Maybe if more of us tried to do that, there would be fewer angry Facebook rants, fewer verbal standoffs.  Maybe we’d realize most of us are just doing the best we can, and that there is less space between us than we think.

4 Comments
Kristy Chowning link
1/28/2013 03:36:21 pm

I love your perspective. It's hard when you are passionate about something to not want to others to share in your passions. But there is a time for everything--and we can't be passionate about everything. I'm trying to recognize other people's 'one thing' and seek to understand and learn from them rather than feel inferior or less than just because I'm not as passionate about their 'one thing'. There is a lot to learn in life, and I'm thankful that God has given me a lot of people to learn from.

Reply
Christina link
1/30/2013 04:25:48 am

I too struggle feeling like I "should" be able to find time to be more active on more issues while simultaneously thinking everyone else should too. :) Thanks for being someone I am learning from!

Reply
Jane Woods link
1/30/2013 01:43:28 am

Whew weee. Can I relate to this! Food is quickly becoming my One Thing also, so when I say I can relate. I mean directly. It's hard to watch people wreck their health. But you're right, ultimately it's me who believes they are wrecking their health (and perhaps lots of research, but in the moment I'm watching... it's me). And if someone asks why I eat carrot sticks, I will tell them. But otherwise, my only responsibility is to respect and love that person despite whatever stance they take on whatever. Thank you for this positive message! (PS. I found your blog through Sarah and Daniel Thomas, they highly recommended it!)

Reply
Christina link
1/30/2013 04:28:05 am

Welcome, Jane (and thanks, Daniel and Sarah)! I often say to my husband, "How is it that I love so many people who think so differently than me on so much?" but I'm not sure we ought to over think that. I guess it should be a beautiful reminder that love is bigger than ALL that we are passionate about.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    About Me

    Christina | Virginia Beach
    Psuedo Yankee, city-loving former working mom of four finds herself home with the kids and transplanted to the somewhat Southern suburbs. Finding her feet while still attempting to harness the power of the passion of her youth for useful good.

    Picture

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    March 2019
    January 2019
    August 2018
    April 2018
    November 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011

    Categories

    All
    Anklebiter Anecdotes
    Bendetto
    Careful Feeding
    Charm City
    Complicated Joys
    Family Affairs
    Family Conference
    Festival Of Estrogen
    Grace For Moms
    Help Yourself
    Inanity & Insanity
    Looking Up
    Making It Home
    Mothering Missteps
    Moving Onward
    Music City
    Part Time Lover
    Part-time Lover
    Part-time Lover
    Soapbox
    Stumblings
    Su Casa
    The Village
    This City Life
    Wanderings
    Wifedom
    Worklife

    Links

    Grace for Moms

    MOPS International's Blog

    Amber Hudler

    Smarter Ardor.
    Copyright © 2011-2018.
    All Rights Reserved.
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from lungstruck, Orin Zebest, yaquina, warrenski, Jing a Ling, The Shopping Sherpa, Sir, Rony, orangeacid, adrianvfloyd, SierraTierra, benjaflynn, Homeandgardners, eye's eye, katerha, LivingOS, wolfB1958, andyarthur, Jeremiah Ro, alextorrenegra, ShironekoEuro, mabahamo, iMorpheus, openuser, kamshots, nickHiebert, VinothChandar, Yashna M, mike138, Dougtone, cogdogblog, x1klima